Jennie

Grief Wears a Mask

Note: Last night I attended Cozy Sessions hosted by DJ KvreeM. The evening began with a moment of reflection where we wrote about love. I wrote about Jennie.

Jennie

I don’t know what’s scarier—
the days I can’t stop thinking about you
or the days I forget.

Five years without you.

I thought the world would end without you.
In a way, it did.

Shutdowns, masks, stay-at-home orders—
I looked for solace at the bottom of a Jim Beam bottle.

I didn’t recognize myself.
Puffy, pink—
smile hidden behind my cloth mask and whiskey breath.

I thought I was mourning you. Grieving you.
But I didn’t let myself feel anything at all.

I thought I was broken, but I was numb.
I thought I was brave, but I ran away from everything that reminded me of you.

Everything reminded me of you.